Protected by Armor

We interrupt the normal programming for a quick jump to Ephesians..... I'm sorry! I know I said I was doing this in order but today God (and Paul) needed to teach me a different lesson. 

The second day in my apartment, and one of the promises that I feel God made to me in this transition is that He has a new faith community planned for me. So after some google searching last night for churches, I settled on an Episcopal Church down the road from me. My big debate in this entire decision is that I want a church with a 20/30s small group so I can meet people, but I also like a traditional service and a smaller congregation. So this church fit those criteria (how well I didn't know) but I thought I would give it a try. So I wandered into their contemporary service this morning and was very discouraged when no one introduced themselves to the new girl, and when I saw no one my age, just a lot of families (which is great don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for college all over again but maybe just a few friends). And that's when God called me out. He told me that I wasn't only worried about a small group to grow my faith, but I was more worried about finding one because I believed that's how I would meet friends, and hey maybe even a boyfriend (typical christian girl, guilty I know, I'm making myself cringe). But I realized that He was completely right AND that my decision on where I go to church should not be centered on where I may potentially meet someone to date. That is SHOULD be centered on where I am going to grow closer to God, where I can get involved in a congregation and share my skills, where I am going to have people to love and support me. And so it was a blessing when after church and older gentlemen introduced himself to me and asked if I was about to start a new school (according to him I looked like I could be in high school......really?!), and I laughed and said no but tomorrow is my first day at my new job, and so he began to inquire where I moved from and introduced me to a handful of people. And their genuine interest, even though they weren't my age, was truly exactly what I was looking for. 

And although revelations like that can be hard (aka get your act together, I - God- am more important than a hypothetical boyfriend), God also gave me some great encouragement from His word. The sermon at church today revolved around Ephesians 6:10-20, about putting on the armor of God especially in the change of a new school year, or a New JOB. They literally said or a new job and a new place, and I felt like God took my hand and said see look you can breath I am still here. And I loved the words that Paul used because he said {6:12} "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms". Change like this isn't just hard because of all the new things, but also because we are often fighting some internal spiritual warfare because the enemy uses our anxiety against us. And so God gave us an armor to put on, so when those days of evil come we can stand firm. And even when that seems to much when the belts of truth, and the breastplates of righteousness, and the helmets of salvation aren't enough we have the Holy Spirit that will lead us to pray in ALL occasions. 

So, although I am still a little nervous about meeting and making friends (of both genders haha), and my first day of work, instead of succumbing to the lies the enemy is telling me, I am going to put on my Armor of God and head into my first day ready to stand firm.  

The Asterisk **

So I guess my last post should have had an asterisk because I wasn't technically moved in and living in my apartment yet, I was just moved in. I didn't start living in my apartment until today. I had another week at home where I secluded myself in my own room, wishing that it would be time for me to move into my apartment. And now I'm here and I was wishing that I would have used more of this summer actually with my family. Yes I spent a ton of time with them, but I wish I would have done more of the little things, like watching mindless TV in my mom's room with her instead of watching netflix by myself in my room. I didn't realize that I would miss things like that. Those little conversations that happen when nothing is going on expect endless repeats of Law & Order:SUV and the Big Bang Theory. 

Yet, as I was driving up to Maryland today I was struck by how immensely loved I am, and subsequently struck by how conceited that makes me sound. But its true. I have a God that sees me as flawless and loves me continuously. I have an amazing family that is willing to meet me at Safeway on my way out of town with a computer charger because I don't have time to turn back around and get it. I have friends that shower my with love when I need it and tell me to read and eat so I don't worry so much. And yet when I finished unpacking this afternoon and I sat down on my bed for the first time in my new apartment, I was filled with a soul aching sadness. Because although I know all of those people will continue to be there for me, I also know that it won't be the same, that when I go home there are no more long winter and summer breaks, and as much as I've complained about the state of Maryland tonight I am so thankful to God that He only has me a hour away from my family. And so, even as I am processing through this homesickness, as I am typing this, I am becoming more and more aware of God's provision. I have always wanted to travel for work to move far away, yet God (as always) knew what I needed. That I needed to be somewhere far enough that I moved out of home, and yet somewhere close enough that I have that comfort. 

I'm so thankful that my life has an asterisk. That I am not doing this all on my own, that I have a Father that is there to add an asterisk when I don't know whats best, and I love that he lets me figure it out when the time is right. I need these growing pains of homesickness and loneliness as hard as they are because  I need to remember who I rely on, I will always need an asterisk. 

S(p)aul's life had an asterisk added to it too. Saul went to the high priest and asked for permission to go to Damascus to arrest those that follow the Way. ***But as he neared Damascus a light from heaven flashed around him. And Saul's immediate response, the response of a man that was breathing murderous threats against the Lord's disciples, his first response to this light was {Acts 9:5} "Who are you, Lord?". Even this man who despised the Lord knew immediately that an important asterisk had been made. That only one person could be responsible for this. And Saul was told to proceed into Damascus and when he opened his eyes he could not see. This man that had so vehemently persecuted the Lord and His followers  was able to SEE (or not) the power of the Lord in his life. Now I'm not saying that Christ blinded me tonight, but I do believe he revealed a little of why His plan is what it is, so I can be excited about the place I am living. 

The other beautiful piece of Saul's conversion was that it was not just Saul and the Lord. God used a disciple named Ananias to bring Saul's sight back. When God asked Ananias to go to Saul, Ananias balked at the idea. He told God that {9:13-14} "Saul has done harm to your holy people in Jerusalem, And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name". Ananias knew all about Saul and what he was walking into and yet when God told him to go he went and entered the house of Saul, and called on the Lord Jesus to restore Saul's sight. 

So yes, God greatly amended Saul's plan, but he did not leave Saul to handle it alone. Saul not only had a loving God, who loved Him immensely, God also showed Saul that he was entering a community that will step up in faith to meet you. My sisters and brothers in Christ have  redefined the word friendship for me. They have added an asterisk to the word friend that I didn't know existed until I hit college, and in my Post Grad I don't know what I would do without these asterisks in my life that step up to love me even when I am snippy, ungrateful, and resistant, just like Ananias did for Saul. 

Confidence in the Unknown

Moving. Today I moved into my first apartment. My first apartment that I am renting on my own. That I am solely responsible for. And last night I was scared, so scared of the future - but a small part of me that I couldn't identify at first was also confident. Confident in the plans God has for me and trying to find confidence in the unknown. 

Jesus brings me confidence in the unknown. I may not know how my roommates will get along, how work will go, how I will make friends, but I do know (normally, except on those particularly bad days) that God has new grace for me every morning. That his love for me will always overflow. And those phrases may sound cliche or Christianese but as my best friend once told me, sometimes we have to say them because they hold such truth and because we need to hear them so they will sink in. 

After Stephens death, Saul began to destroy the church  and many people were scattered. And {Acts 8:4} "those that had been scattered preached the word wherever they went". This was a time of uncertainty, of constant moving. And yet Philip and others had confidence in the Lord and many people were baptized. 

However, the author also showed what happens when one doesn't have confidence in the Lord. One of the men from his land, Simon the Sorcerer, saw Peter and John laying their hands and having people receive the Holy Spirit, and he offered them money for such ability. Although he saw the great works that God was doing, his confidence lay in his money. I have definitely been guilty of that, or having my confidence lie in myself, in my abilities, my strength. And it is in those places that I feel anxious, stressed, can't sleep, get snippy, grouchy, yell at friends and loved ones, feel far away from God. A self centered confidence does nothing to help you, to grow you, and the disciples explain how our hearts cannot be right for God in such cases because we are {8:23} "full of bitterness and captive to sin". Captive to sin. How convicting is that? When we place our confidence in things not of the Lord we have no chance but falling into sin. 

But luckily God does not forsake us even then. Even when we are captive to sin. No, even then he steps into our path, and ** (Sorry spoiler alert I snuck a peek at the header to chapter 9)** that's exactly what he did for Saul. 

Press Play

I love to read, it has always been one of my favorite things since I was a small child and my grandparents read the Harry Potter series to me. There is something so special about starting a new book, my heart races a little as my brain weaves together the setting of the place, the characters, the way expressions change their faces, and how their voices rise and fall. I love that beginning part of piecing it together slowly and then all of a sudden it starts to fall into place faster and faster until like an old projector they go from single snap shots to a continuous movie. 

I think sometimes that's how starting over feels like too. There are these individual moments that seem to happen so far apart, that leave you distant and anxious as you try to figure out where exactly you fit in this new setting, and then you look back one day and you realize that instead of being the outsider looking in on the play, you yourself have become a character in it. That's how I remember college. The first year was so hard for me, it seemed like everything was swirling around me and I was trying to figure out where I fit in and then all of a sudden I was graduating. I had become a part of the community and the time flew by. And so I know that this next change will be similar, not the same because I am a different person now, but I hope to remember the hard parts will only last for so long. 

I have to wonder if the disciples clung to the same notion. That the hard parts will be plentiful but they will only last for so long? As the numbers following them continued to increase they faced internal strife over everything including the distribution of food. But the disciples knew what battles to fight and what battles to secede in. In the case of food distribution they realized that {6:2} "it would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order to wait tables." So they appointed seven men who were full of the spirit to take on this responsibility. 

One of these men was named Stephen and he was a man full of Gods grace and power. And as opposition to the Jewish temple continued to grow many rose up against him, {6:10} "but they could not stand against the wisdom the spirit gave him as he spoke". And so instead They provided false witness and in the end dragged him out into the street to stone him. The false witnesses placed their coats at Saul's feet and he approved the killing of Stephen. Yet, even within his dreadful death, Stephen fell to his knees and cried {7:60} "Lord, do not hold this sin against them. " and he was able to forgive them. 

Did Stephen see his life flash before his eyes like a movie? Did he see these slow series of snap shots until he encountered God and he saw his life, come to life? Did Saul know that soon he would be the one standing in Stephens place? Could he even imagine the rolls reversed at that point? Like a movie,  I believe that sometimes we have to walk through certain things to even be in a place where we can hear and listen to God. We could be told time and time again but until certain experiences we won't be ready to listen. So maybe we need those snapshots of when times were hard. And Lord willing they will be few and far between but sometimes we have to have them so God can press play on other things in our life. (For example where Sauls story goes from here).

Thriving Redefined

In the time right after graduation and in your early 20s you go from living with your best friends, seeing people on campus everyday, being known, to either moving back to a home that doesn't really fit you anymore  or to a new city where you don't know anyone. And in both it's so easy to get really lonely. But what I've found this week, as I've had the blessing to talk and catch up with some of my best friends for the first time in a month or so, is that despite the loneliness and stuckness we sometimes feel, we are also often thriving in our own ways. 

When you find that profession you are made for, that God fashioned you for it seems that he refills joy in us daily. Whether it's new readings for grad school, prepping for the mcat, having new skills come to you with ease, mulling over information, or getting to the next stage in an interview. And so despite the fact that it's hard to start over,  to be away from those friends that you normally debrief your day with, by taking a step back and seeing all the amazing things they are going to accomplish, are accomplishing, I understand why we have to go our separate ways to fulfill those promises God gave to us. 

The disciples so dutifully followed the calling they were given, especially in the wake of Christ's death. (Not to say that they didn't doubt and question because they are human and did but the threat that followed them was death). And so after they were placed in jail for healing in the name of Christ when an angel of the Lord came and opened the doors and told them {5:20} "Go, stand in the temple courts and tell the people all about this new life" they did as they had been told. And even when they were brought before the high priests, they did not abandon their calling of proclaiming the Lord but did it in steadfast obedience. 

How many people back then and today would call the life the disciples chose one of thriving? They were men that were being prosecuted, thrown in jail, and now having the high priests demanding their deaths. But the disciples knew that God's definition for thriving is different than this worlds and He alone held the disciples lives. And so while others called for the deaths of the disciples, the Pharisee Gamaliel who was one of the most prominent teachers of the law and was honored by all of the people (and also happened to be Paul's teacher) spoke up in defense of the disciples. Intriguing no? And so in the wake of this persuasion it was decided that the disciples would be flogged instead. 

And yet, even then, the apostles left rejoicing {5:41} "because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name of God". To them, in that moment, thriving was defined as suffering flogging in order to glorify the name of God. Thriving redefined. 

And so, thriving will look different on each of us, and often we won't be able to see it in our suffering. Suffering of starting in new places, or returning to old places that no longer feel the same, but that is why we have been gifted friends that often know us better than we know ourselves, so when we do have the chance to catch up, you don't have to explain all of it, they just understand why a conversation was hard, or where the anxiety about work comes from because they know you, and ground you, and point you back to the person God made you to be. The person God has made to thrive. 

So, to my fellow post grads go and thrive, chase after those opportunities that bring you joy and share them with old friends because your success is my success too. 

Why am I hiding?

The fifth chapter of Acts opens with a story of a husband and wife who sold a piece of property to bring money to the apostles, but both kept some money back for themselves. When asked about it they both lied to Peter and to God and they subsequently fell down and died. Now reading this it was so easy to think so poorly of these people. How could they keep money back from God? They were living in the time right after Christ walked the earth. They had the disciples with them daily! 

But then God asked me, in 2015, to look in the mirror and see if I was really any different. Money is such a tangible thing to hide from God but how many non-tangible things do I try and "hide" from Him every day? (and hide is in quotes because I do truly believe that God is all knowing but I also believe that He desires for us to come to Him) My desire to be in a relationship? Fear of the future? Family issues? Anger at God over sick loved ones? Frustration?So yes it was easy for me to look down on Ananias and Sapphira but that makes me just as much of a hypocrite, and really I don't desire to hide anything from the Lord, but I'm human and so sometimes I try too. 

This next chapter in my life has no set plan, no design. College has four years, four years that I had planned by the middle of my first semester. And God even there you showed me that you had a better plan, from withdrawing from a class, to the number of professor that encouraged me in my faith. Yet, there will be things in this next chapter that I will want to hide or not talk to God about, whether it be work, or just how I'm feeling. And so my prayer is that He will remind me, and continue to place people in my life that remind, that I do not face this next chapter alone. That whether I have nothing to give, or everything like Ananias and Sapphira, he wants it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly, to be cliche. Or my favorite new phrase, the joy, junk, & Jesus* of everyday. 

*Joy, Junk, and Jesus is similar to highs and lows. It's the joy in your day, the junk or the low part, and where you saw Jesus. It helps us to remember our blessings, not to hide even the dark side we may not want to show, and bring it all back around to the Lord

{extra}ORDINARY

It's funny how the smallest of acts, the ordinary, the small things in life can be such a blessing and answers to prayers we don't even know we have. How a snapchat video can turn into two great friends that haven't talked all summer catching up, cementing that friendship in its love of books and adventure. How the purchase of a skirt, a work bag, a colander, tupperware can garner excitement over fear for the future. I love these little ordinary things, when I take the time to appreciate them. 

After Peter and John preformed the miracle of making Beautiful walk in front of the temple, they preach about Jesus' sacrifice for His people, and OVER 5,000 people grew to believe in the Lord. That kind of reaction the temple priests were not to pleased. But when Peter and John were brought in front of these priest they saw the courage these men had {4:13} " and realized that Peter and John were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus". John and Peter were ordinary men who had the courage to speak up. God has this tendency to take the ordinary and make them extraordinary. How encouraging is that? How many little ordinary things happen everyday that are actually apart of His extraordinary plan for our lives. 

One of my biggest guilty pleasures is watching Grey's Anatomy, and Meredith's mom, Ellis, comes out of her Alzheimer's for a day and says that she raised Meredith to be extraordinary, and so imagine her disappointment when she woke up after five years to find Meredith was no more than ordinary. That part has always struck me, is it that our extraordinary looks different than someone else's extraordinary, because Meredith was thrilled with where she was.

Or is it a blurred line, that in your ordinary acts you become extraordinary in the differences you make, like Peter and John did. They did what they ordinarily would do but it was an extraordinary act. In Grey's  Ellis finally realizes that in fact while Meredith is "ordinary" she is also extraordinary. Meredith, Peter, John, they were Extra- Ordinary, they were extremely ordinary. And that made the difference. Definitely encouraging to a grad that's trying to figure out who she is, what bar is next. Maybe the "answer" to the expectations we feel in this world is to be extra ourselves, and to stop answering to all of the 'high preist' we think hold the power. 

How to Act{s}

I'm starting in Acts for a few reasons. One it is a book I have always talked about reading and never have actually gotten around to, so why not now. And two I want to get a full picture of Paul, his story; start, conversion, finish.

In 1:7 Jesus says "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by His own authority." I think for this summer (and really always) this has been something I particularly struggle with. I like to be in the know. I'm a list maker, a planner, a slightly obsessive compulsive need to know whats going on type person, and so verses like this, they don't sit well with me. It would be so much easier if God could just give me some signs. An email? Maybe a text message or two? Just a 'not to worry, I've got this really'. But that's not the promise God made us. Like He told the Israelites in the desert, He gives us enough for each day, and any amount of me hoarding manna is not going to change the end result. 

I see this even when I read His word. I LOVE how God always has a message for us in His word that is unique to the moment that we are in. As I was reading Chapter 2 yesterday I loved David's prayer about the Lord is always before Him, but I wasn't connecting any other dots (am I foreshadowing, hmmm we'll see). When I read Chapter 3 though, I was so struck by how this man begging outside the temple was named Beautiful, Why was he called this? It's not the first name that comes to mind for a man that is crippled. So I went and found my commentary that is packed in one of my many boxes in my room, prepped for the move in a week (the mess is driving me crazy by the way), but unfortunately it didn't have anything to say about this interesting name. bummer. 

HOWEVER, it did tie in that pesky chapter 2 that I basically skimmed over. It talked about how yes the Christian community had no problem selling any of their possessions to support one another and so one should have expected Peter and John to definitely give Beautiful a monetary donation, but they didn't. They didn't because they knew that they had something so much better. Peter gave the wholeness that comes through faith in the name of Jesus. I think that wholeness is something we (read I) are always searching for on this earth. And at times we may catch glimpses of it, but that wholeness, that Shalom, I'm waiting for it to hit me like a wave when Jesus takes my hand in heaven. BUT waiting for it doesn't mean I can't have the same insight that Peter had when he knew that he had something better to give than money. And so I pray that through Christ I can help bring that wholeness with me to my new roommates in Maryland, to my new workplace, and to my new community. 

The other part of this chapter that I loved was Peter's sass to the crowd after Beautiful got up and walked (I like sass if you haven't seen that theme yet). he asks them (3:12) "Why does this surprise you? Why do you stare at us as if by our own power or godliness we made this man walk?" and today I just felt like he looked into my soul and spoke that to me. Savannah why are you so surprised that God made these last three weeks before you start work so busy? No that wasn't of your own doing, that was done by a loving God that knew if you had too much time on your hands you would drive yourself insane with worry. 

Even though God and I didn't talk most of this summer, even though my faith isn't perfect and will never be on this earth, God knows His people. (3:19) "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord". God knows exactly what we need for refreshment in the time we need it. For me this week it was a way to connect with Him (hello Paul and this blog) and some quality time with by best friends in the next few weeks. 

Getting to know Paul (and me)

If I'm being honest, I can't claim to know a lot about Paul. What I do know, at this point, I'm sure any kid in Sunday School could tell you. Long story short, Paul, originally Saul, was a Pharisee who condemned the church, encountered God, was converted to Christianity, became a missionary, wrote some wicked good letters to get Churches in line, and then was killed* (*more or less, this is the Savannah's abridged version). 

So why then did I decide to learn about Paul, read the books he wrote, and blog about it? To start, I had a small break down about growing up. I'm about to move to a new state with roommates that seem nice but that I don't really know, start my first real job, and leave behind the place that was my home for the past four years. And last night all of the adult real world was just too much. So I cried a bit, prayed a bit, a reached out to my closest friends, and they reminded me that being scared means its something worth doing, that I am not alone in my fears of starting over, and that God is constantly growing my faith to new heights. 

And as I sat in church this morning God reminded me, as He often does, that He provides for me manna daily, just as He did for the Israelites. And through His word, Paul spoke to me in Ephesians as "a prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called" {Ephesians 4:1} and I realized that I want to beg to lead a life worthy of my calling and not be scared to trust in God as I take the next step. And so as I walk in this new transition I am going to do it with God and Paul, because Paul sets and example of how I want to unabashedly follow God, and his words will call me out in love when I don't want to face the truth myself.  

So who is this Paul guy that's headed with me to Maryland??? 
*disclaimer I actually did some research so this isn't the Sav abridged version

Paul was really a man of many places which I relate with a lot (10 moves and counting in 22 years). He was by racial ancestry an Israelite, by citizenship he was a Roman, by religion he followed Judaism, but he was born and raised Greek. Paul to say the very least had a lot going on. He was sent to Jerusalem for his formal education and attended one of the most prominent rabbinical schools of his time and learned under the most outstanding rabbi teacher Gamaliel.  (I have to say I find it funny that even back then the schools had distinctions, I imagine Paul fretting over his school decision very much like we do now, and being so revealed to receive his acceptance to their generations Yale - however I'm not even sure if they had to apply, that's just how I see it in my mind). 

With this upbringing Paul, at that point Saul, was instilled with a fervent hatred of Christ and his followers. He sought out the high priest for authority to go to Damascus for the sole purpose of arresting followers of Christ. But that's where God had a different plan. It was on the trip that God called Paul to lead a life that was to God's calling". And so on the path there he genuinely encountered  the Holy Spirit and God grew his faith to new heights in that moment and continued to do so for the rest of his life.

That, that is encouragement to me. Paul was so sure of what his life looked like, he had attended the right school, with the right teachers, and was off on this path, but God never gives up on us even when we are so far away. He steps into our paths and makes us encounter the Holy Spirit. And I feel that's what He did with me this summer. I was adrift in the limbo of a post grad summer off, and had come to the end of my list of projects and errands, and finally broke down before the Lord and said I'm scared, I am so terrified of what is next and He just surrounded me with the Holy Spirit and told me that He always continues to walk with me, even when it is scary and hard and lonely, for example when you feel you are fighting for friendship.

Today one of my good friends from college had a birthday. We participated in the same bible study for three years, lived together for two, had heart filled talks in the middle of campus, and yet we haven't talked all summer. And while that seems odd any previous summer it wouldn't have been a big deal, we would catch up where we left off when school started again. But this time it matters because in adulthood you have to work for friendship. And maybe (very hopefully) this friendship will last, but how many other friendships won't. 

But God also gave me some incredible joy today as I had the chance to talk to one of my amazing friends who is in the armed forces yesterday, and we discussed how its hard because some people haven't grasped the idea that school isn't coming back around. That we can't just grab coffee when we get back. That we have to start fighting for our friendships, And its not fun but when they matter we have too. But just hearing her voice, laughing about anything and nothing at the same time, as cliche as it sounds that's what I needed this week. And I guess in life post grad I am finally starting to get that I am truly responsible for my friendships. Lesson 1 of many. 

Paul in the Post Grad

I grew up as a Christian but it wasn't until I hit college that I began to understand what it meant to follow Christ, what it meant to have a relationship with God the Father, and what it meant to have God's Word. But with the help of Jesus and an extremely faithful friend this God that was stuck in solely my Sunday mornings began to become real to me. 

This journey started as I read and studied through Philippians with my most patient friend Katie (and when I say we "read" Philippians I mean she was nice enough to let me "reread" at the beginning of each of our meetings, because although I never told her and she never admitted it, we both knew I never read before we met). It was with Katie that I was introduced for the first time to the sassy Paul and it only seems right that in my post college graduate limbo (because that's what the summer after you graduate is, its a land of limbo and waiting) I can turn back to my old friend Paul to lean on as I try and follow God in this transition. 

We are never truly ready for life's big transitions (and I use we because I like to believe that I am not the only one living in denial) and although I like to act like I have my life together, I have to admit that life after graduation is hard. And as I look back on my four years part of me, the part that's scared of the future (and doesn't do well resting in God's provisions) is begging to go back for just one more year. One more year at the place I know, at the place I'm comfortable, at the place I have made a name for myself, and friends, and leadership titles. And I realized the other day as I was missing these things that I was clinging to earthly comforts and that God has so much more for me, but that if I'm being honest with myself, I would rather take the ordinary than the extraordinary that God has planed for me because it's easier. 

SO, the point of this long rant is that God has made it clear to me that this time my life in transition is not going to be one that happens alone, because this time I know God. 

• He has given me a community of friends that point me back to Him and His promises, and even if I'm not within walking distance (or pillow talk crying distance) of them, they are still there to support me. 
• He has given me the promise of a new faith community in my new town (still praying circles on this one but its not an if its a when)
• He has given me His Word
• And I feel he has told me 'I have given you Paul'.

And so in the next couple weeks, months, however long it takes, I'm going to walk with Paul (the sassy friend I need to call me out when I'm feeling sorry for myself) and learn more about how I can find God in my Post Grad blues, my Post Grad Joys, my Post Grad successes & failures, as I work to find God in my life away from the bubble that was college. 

This blog is a way to help me work on discipline, keep track of my crazy thoughts, provide encouragement, and so I can come back in 20 years and see prayers answered and laugh at young me. It will most likely have spelling mistakes (even with spell check), a good deal of sarcasm and jokes I think are funny but no one else will, and very little editing (which might mean it may not always make sense - I don't always connect of finish my thoughts), but my hope and prayer is that it will be honest and vulnerable and that even in 2015 in Maryland, Paul and I can forge a friendship and I can learn more about the God I love.