So I guess my last post should have had an asterisk because I wasn't technically moved in and living in my apartment yet, I was just moved in. I didn't start living in my apartment until today. I had another week at home where I secluded myself in my own room, wishing that it would be time for me to move into my apartment. And now I'm here and I was wishing that I would have used more of this summer actually with my family. Yes I spent a ton of time with them, but I wish I would have done more of the little things, like watching mindless TV in my mom's room with her instead of watching netflix by myself in my room. I didn't realize that I would miss things like that. Those little conversations that happen when nothing is going on expect endless repeats of Law & Order:SUV and the Big Bang Theory.
Yet, as I was driving up to Maryland today I was struck by how immensely loved I am, and subsequently struck by how conceited that makes me sound. But its true. I have a God that sees me as flawless and loves me continuously. I have an amazing family that is willing to meet me at Safeway on my way out of town with a computer charger because I don't have time to turn back around and get it. I have friends that shower my with love when I need it and tell me to read and eat so I don't worry so much. And yet when I finished unpacking this afternoon and I sat down on my bed for the first time in my new apartment, I was filled with a soul aching sadness. Because although I know all of those people will continue to be there for me, I also know that it won't be the same, that when I go home there are no more long winter and summer breaks, and as much as I've complained about the state of Maryland tonight I am so thankful to God that He only has me a hour away from my family. And so, even as I am processing through this homesickness, as I am typing this, I am becoming more and more aware of God's provision. I have always wanted to travel for work to move far away, yet God (as always) knew what I needed. That I needed to be somewhere far enough that I moved out of home, and yet somewhere close enough that I have that comfort.
I'm so thankful that my life has an asterisk. That I am not doing this all on my own, that I have a Father that is there to add an asterisk when I don't know whats best, and I love that he lets me figure it out when the time is right. I need these growing pains of homesickness and loneliness as hard as they are because I need to remember who I rely on, I will always need an asterisk.
S(p)aul's life had an asterisk added to it too. Saul went to the high priest and asked for permission to go to Damascus to arrest those that follow the Way. ***But as he neared Damascus a light from heaven flashed around him. And Saul's immediate response, the response of a man that was breathing murderous threats against the Lord's disciples, his first response to this light was {Acts 9:5} "Who are you, Lord?". Even this man who despised the Lord knew immediately that an important asterisk had been made. That only one person could be responsible for this. And Saul was told to proceed into Damascus and when he opened his eyes he could not see. This man that had so vehemently persecuted the Lord and His followers was able to SEE (or not) the power of the Lord in his life. Now I'm not saying that Christ blinded me tonight, but I do believe he revealed a little of why His plan is what it is, so I can be excited about the place I am living.
The other beautiful piece of Saul's conversion was that it was not just Saul and the Lord. God used a disciple named Ananias to bring Saul's sight back. When God asked Ananias to go to Saul, Ananias balked at the idea. He told God that {9:13-14} "Saul has done harm to your holy people in Jerusalem, And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name". Ananias knew all about Saul and what he was walking into and yet when God told him to go he went and entered the house of Saul, and called on the Lord Jesus to restore Saul's sight.
So yes, God greatly amended Saul's plan, but he did not leave Saul to handle it alone. Saul not only had a loving God, who loved Him immensely, God also showed Saul that he was entering a community that will step up in faith to meet you. My sisters and brothers in Christ have redefined the word friendship for me. They have added an asterisk to the word friend that I didn't know existed until I hit college, and in my Post Grad I don't know what I would do without these asterisks in my life that step up to love me even when I am snippy, ungrateful, and resistant, just like Ananias did for Saul.
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